How To Be Best Friends With Your Spouse | SOS Podcast EP008

11 min read

How to be Best Friends with Your Spouse?

Is your spouse your best friend, or do you feel like you’re more like acquaintances than soulmates? In this episode, we’re diving into the art of cultivating a deeper friendship with your spouse. Because let’s face it, a strong relationship is built on a solid foundation of friendship.

What You’ll Learn:

  • Rediscovering Shared Interests: How revisiting old hobbies and exploring new interests can reignite the friendship in your relationship.
  • The Power of Quality Time: Why unplugging and spending quality time together is essential for nurturing your friendship.
  • Open and Vulnerable Conversations: The importance of having heart-to-heart talks and creating a ‘No Judgment’ zone for open dialogue.
  • Acts of Kindness and Appreciation: Small gestures that can make a big difference in deepening your friendship.
  • Building Trust and Reliability: How keeping promises and being reliable can strengthen the trust in your friendship.

🎧 Listen Now to Discover: How to deepen your friendship with your spouse and why it’s the cornerstone of a strong, lasting relationship.

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If today’s topic is interesting to you, read the detailed breakdown below:

In the intricate dance of love and partnership, there exists a hidden gem that holds the power to elevate a relationship to extraordinary heights – friendship. Just as a well-rooted tree stands firm against the strongest winds, a marriage fortified by the bonds of camaraderie can weather the storms of life and bask in the warmth of sunny days. But how to be best friends with your spouse?

Today, we’ll embark on a journey to unravel the secrets of cultivating a deep and enduring friendship with your spouse. Before we delve into the intricacies, let’s pause for a moment to acknowledge that the best relationships often find their strength in this very foundation of friendship. So, grab a metaphorical hand, and let’s explore the delightful ways to be the best of friends with your spouse.

1. Rediscovering Shared Interests

Building a strong and lasting friendship with your spouse is an essential aspect of a healthy marriage. One powerful way to deepen your connection and strengthen the bond between you and your partner is by rediscovering shared interests.

Here, we will delve into the significance of shared interests in strengthening your marital friendship and explore two key aspects of this process: revisiting old hobbies and exploring new interests.

Significance of Shared Interests in Strengthening Marital Friendship

Shared interests are the threads that weave the fabric of your relationship. They serve as a bridge connecting you and your spouse on a deeper level. Here’s why they are so vital in strengthening your marital friendship:

  1. Enhanced Connection: When you engage in activities you both enjoy, it fosters a sense of togetherness and shared experiences. These shared moments help you feel more connected to each other.
  2. Quality Time: Pursuing shared interests allows you to spend quality time together, free from the distractions of daily life. This dedicated time can help you reconnect and nurture your friendship.
  3. Common Goals: Shared interests often come with common goals or objectives. Working together to achieve these goals fosters teamwork and cooperation, qualities that are crucial in any friendship.
  4. Stress Reduction: Engaging in activities you love can be a great stress reliever. By doing them together, you not only enjoy the activity itself but also provide emotional support to each other during stressful times.

Now, let’s explore how you can rediscover shared interests by revisiting old hobbies and exploring new ones.

Revisiting Old Hobbies

Remember those activities you used to enjoy together before life’s responsibilities took over? Revisiting old hobbies can be a fantastic way to reignite the spark in your relationship. Here’s how:

  1. Nostalgia and Fond Memories: Think about the hobbies you both used to love. Whether it’s dancing, painting, hiking, or playing musical instruments, rekindling these interests can evoke feelings of nostalgia and remind you of the early days of your relationship.
  2. Shared Learning Experience: If you haven’t practiced your old hobbies in a while, you’ll likely need to relearn some things. This can be a fun and rewarding process, as you get to explore and learn together, deepening your connection in the process.
  3. Regular Date Nights: Incorporate your old hobbies into your date night routine. This not only adds variety to your outings but also ensures you regularly set aside time for each other.

Exploring New Interests

While revisiting old hobbies can be a delightful journey down memory lane, exploring new interests can bring novelty and excitement into your marriage. Here’s how to do it:

  1. Open Communication: Start by discussing your individual interests and curiosities. Be open to each other’s suggestions and ideas. The key is to find something that both of you can be excited about.
  2. Take Classes or Workshops: Learning something new together, whether it’s cooking, dancing, or a new language, can be a bonding experience. Sign up for classes or workshops in your area or online.
  3. Adventure Awaits: Consider outdoor activities like hiking, camping, or biking. These adventures can not only be exhilarating but also provide an opportunity to create lasting memories.

2. The Power of Quality Time

Quality time is the secret ingredient that can transform a marriage into a deep and lasting friendship.

It goes beyond mere coexistence; it’s about actively engaging with your spouse on an emotional and intellectual level.

Here, we’ll explore the critical role quality time plays in maintaining a strong marital friendship, the benefits of dedicating device-free time for a deeper connection, and a fun exercise called the ‘Memory Lane’ exercise that can enhance your bond even further.

Role of Quality Time in Maintaining a Strong Marital Friendship

Quality time is more than just spending time together; it’s about being present in the moment and fully engaged with your spouse.

In a world filled with distractions and busy schedules, setting aside time for each other can significantly strengthen your marital friendship and lead to romantic and physical satisfaction. Here’s why you need to spend time with your partner:

  1. Building Emotional Connection: Quality time allows you to connect emotionally. When you actively listen to your spouse, share your thoughts and feelings, and engage in meaningful conversations, you build a deeper emotional bond.
  2. Creating Shared Memories: Spending quality time together creates memorable experiences that you both can cherish. These shared memories become the building blocks of your friendship and give you a treasure trove of stories to reminisce about.
  3. Conflict Resolution: Quality time provides an opportunity to address any issues or conflicts in your relationship. It’s a time to discuss concerns, find common ground, and work together to resolve problems, which ultimately strengthens your bond.

Unplugged Time for a Deeper Connection

In our digital age, it’s easy to get lost in screens and gadgets, even when you’re in the same room as your spouse. That’s why dedicating device-free time is crucial for nurturing a deeper connection:

  1. Minimizes Distractions: When you put away your devices, you eliminate distractions and give each other your undivided attention. This allows for more meaningful conversations and a stronger connection.
  2. Enhances Communication: Device-free time encourages face-to-face communication, improving non-verbal cues like body language and eye contact. These subtle signals are essential for understanding each other on a deeper level.
  3. Rediscovering Each Other: Without the constant digital interruptions, you have the opportunity to rediscover your spouse. You may uncover new interests, dreams, or aspects of their personality that you’ve overlooked in the hustle and bustle of daily life.
  4. Promotes Intimacy: Device-free quality time can also lead to increased physical intimacy. When you’re fully present with your spouse, it’s easier to nurture your romantic connection.

The ‘Memory Lane’ Exercise

The ‘Memory Lane’ exercise is a fun and meaningful way to reminisce about your journey together as a couple:

  1. Set the Scene: Find a cozy and comfortable spot where you won’t be disturbed. Light some candles, play soft music, or create an ambiance that feels special.
  2. Share Memories: Take turns sharing your favorite memories from your relationship. These could be from your early dating days, your wedding, or even recent moments that made you feel close.
  3. Reflect on Growth: Discuss how you’ve both grown individually and as a couple since those moments. What have you learned from each other, and how have you evolved together?
  4. Express Gratitude: Express gratitude for each other and for the beautiful journey you’ve embarked on together. This exercise not only strengthens your bond but also reminds you of the reasons you fell in love.

Incorporating quality time into your marriage can transform your spouse into not just your life partner but your best friend as well. It’s an investment that pays off in the form of a deeper, more meaningful connection and a friendship that can withstand the test of time.

3. Open and Vulnerable Conversations

A strong and lasting friendship with your spouse is not built solely on shared interests and quality time together.

It also relies heavily on open and vulnerable conversations. In this section, we’ll delve into the importance of trust and openness in cultivating a deep friendship within a marriage.

We’ll explore the concept of heart-to-heart talks and creating a ‘No Judgment’ Zone to foster intimacy and emotional connection.

Importance of Trust and Openness in Friendship

Trust and openness are the cornerstones of any healthy relationship, and they play a pivotal role in creating a strong friendship within a marriage.

When you trust your spouse completely and feel safe being open and vulnerable with them, it creates a solid foundation for your friendship to flourish.

Trust is the belief that your partner will always have your best interests at heart, that they will keep their promises, and that they’ll be there for you when you need them.

It’s about feeling secure in the knowledge that you can rely on each other through thick and thin. When trust is present, it allows you to be more open and honest in your communication.

Openness, on the other hand, means being transparent about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It’s about sharing your innermost thoughts and fears with your spouse without the fear of judgment.

When you are open with each other, it creates a sense of intimacy and emotional closeness that is essential for a strong friendship.

Heart-to-Heart Talks

Heart-to-heart talks are the essence of open and vulnerable conversations in a marriage. These conversations go beyond surface-level chit-chat and involve discussing your hopes, dreams, fears, and insecurities. They allow you to connect on a deeper level and truly understand each other’s inner worlds.

To engage in heart-to-heart talks, set aside dedicated time when you can talk without distractions. Find a quiet, comfortable space where you both feel relaxed and safe.

Start by expressing your feelings and thoughts honestly, and encourage your spouse to do the same. Listen actively, without interrupting or passing judgment. It’s essential to validate each other’s emotions, even if you don’t always agree.

Remember that heart-to-heart talks are not about finding solutions or fixing problems; they’re about sharing and connecting. Sometimes, just being heard and understood is enough to strengthen your friendship and bond.

The ‘No Judgment’ Zone

Creating a ‘No Judgment’ Zone in your marriage is vital for fostering trust, openness, and vulnerability. It means that you and your spouse agree not to criticize, ridicule, or belittle each other’s thoughts and feelings. Instead, you approach each other’s vulnerabilities with empathy and understanding. Learn to fight fair.

To establish a ‘No Judgment’ Zone:

  1. Practice Active Listening: When your spouse shares something with you, listen attentively without interrupting. Avoid jumping to conclusions or offering immediate solutions.
  2. Respect Differences: Remember that you and your spouse are unique individuals with your own perspectives and experiences. Embrace these differences with mutual respect and see them as opportunities for growth.
  3. Use “I” Statements: Express your feelings using “I” statements to avoid blaming or accusing. For example, say, “I feel hurt when…” instead of “You always make me feel…”
  4. Encourage Each Other: Celebrate each other’s successes and support each other through challenges. Knowing that your spouse is in your corner can boost your emotional connection.

In essence, open and vulnerable conversations are the bridge to a deeper friendship within your marriage. Trust, heart-to-heart talks, and creating a ‘No Judgment’ Zone are essential elements in building a strong foundation of emotional intimacy and marital satisfaction.

4. Acts of Kindness and Appreciation

In the journey to becoming best friends with your spouse, one of the most impactful bridges to cross is the realm of acts of kindness and appreciation. These are the cornerstones of a strong and lasting marital friendship.

Impact of Small Acts of Kindness and Appreciation

Marital friendships thrive on the bedrock of affection and care. Small acts of kindness and appreciation are like the nourishing rain that helps this bedrock flourish. They may seem simple, but their impact can be profound. Here’s why:

  • Building Emotional Connection: Acts of kindness, whether it’s making your spouse’s favorite meal or sending a sweet text during the day, demonstrate your love and affection. These actions create a strong emotional bond between you two, making you feel closer and more connected.
  • Enhancing Trust: When you consistently show appreciation for your spouse’s efforts, it fosters trust. They feel valued and respected, which encourages them to be open and vulnerable in return, strengthening their emotional connection.
  • Reducing Conflict: Small acts of kindness can act as a buffer against the inevitable conflicts that arise in any relationship. They remind both partners of their love and commitment, making it easier to work through disagreements with respect and empathy.

Random Acts of Kindness: Examples of Thoughtful Gestures

Random acts of kindness are like little surprises that can brighten your spouse’s day. These thoughtful gestures don’t have to be extravagant; in fact, it’s often the simplest things that have the most significant impact. Here are some examples:

  1. Love Notes: Leave sweet notes for your spouse to find unexpectedly, whether it’s a sticky note on the bathroom mirror or a heartfelt message in their lunchbox.
  2. Surprise Dates: Plan spontaneous date nights or day outings. It could be as simple as a picnic in the park or a surprise visit to their favorite café.
  3. Acts of Service: Help out with chores or tasks your spouse usually handles, like doing the dishes, folding laundry, or taking care of the kids, without being asked.
  4. Compliments: Offer genuine compliments and praise for your spouse’s qualities, accomplishments, or even appearance.
  5. Small Gifts: Give thoughtful gifts, even if they are small tokens. It could be their favorite snack, a book they’ve been wanting to read, or a bouquet of flowers.

Expressing Gratitude for Everyday Actions

While random acts of kindness are like sprinkles of joy, regular appreciation is the steady rhythm of your daily life together. It’s about acknowledging and expressing gratitude for the everyday actions that often go unnoticed. Here’s how you can make it a part of your routine:

  1. Say “Thank You”: Don’t hesitate to say those two simple words – “thank you” – whenever your spouse does something for you, no matter how small. It shows that you recognize and appreciate their efforts.
  2. Share Feelings: Let your spouse know how their actions make you feel. Whether it’s making you feel loved, cared for, or simply happier, expressing your emotions deepens the connection.
  3. Quality Time: Spending quality time together is an act of appreciation in itself. Engage in activities you both enjoy and make an effort to be present and attentive during these moments.
  4. Celebrate Achievements: Celebrate each other’s achievements, no matter how minor they may seem. Recognizing your spouse’s successes fosters a supportive and encouraging atmosphere.

5. Building Trust and Reliability

In any strong and enduring friendship, trust and reliability are the cornerstones, and this principle holds even more weight when it comes to being best friends with your spouse. Your marriage is not just a romantic partnership; it’s a lifelong high-quality friendship that requires a strong foundation of trust and reliability.

Imagine friendship as a tall and sturdy tree, with its roots deeply embedded in trust and reliability. These roots represent the confidence and dependability you and your spouse have in each other.

Trust means knowing that you can confide in your partner without fear of judgment or betrayal, while reliability ensures that both of you can count on each other when it matters the most.

In marriage, trust and reliability manifest in various ways:

Keeping Promises: The Significance of Commitments

One of the most visible aspects of trust and reliability is the act of keeping promises, no matter how big or small they may be. When you make a commitment to your spouse, whether it’s as simple as taking out the trash or as significant as supporting their career aspirations, fulfilling that promise builds trust.

Consistently keeping promises reinforces the belief that you can rely on each other. It sends a powerful message that you value your spouse’s feelings and respects their expectations. It’s a demonstration of your commitment to the romantic relationship and your willingness to prioritize your partner’s needs alongside your own.

Moreover, when you keep promises, you create a sense of predictability and security in your marriage. Your spouse knows they can count on you, which eases anxiety and fosters a harmonious atmosphere.

Whether it’s being on time for a date night or following through on a major life decision, honoring your commitments fortifies the trust in your solid friendship.

The ‘Reliability Check’: Regularly Ensuring Support

It’s important to conduct what can be termed a ‘Reliability Check’ in your marriage. This involves periodically assessing how reliable and supportive both you and your spouse perceive each other to be. It’s not about pointing fingers but rather a constructive exercise to strengthen your bond.

During these check-ins, communicate openly and honestly about whether each of you feels supported in various aspects of your lives – emotionally, mentally, and practically.

Discuss any areas where trust may have wavered or where reliability could be improved. Remember that these conversations are opportunities for growth, not blame.

By regularly reinforcing your commitment to being reliable and supportive, you prevent misunderstandings and unmet expectations from eroding the trust between you. It’s a proactive way to ensure that the tree of your marital friendship continues to grow strong and resilient.

How to be Best Friends with Your Spouse? The Bottom Line

In the journey to deepen your connection with your spouse and become the best of friends, remember that it’s a continuous adventure. Just like any other meaningful friendship, it requires effort, patience, and a genuine desire to understand and support one another.

By rediscovering shared interests, cherishing quality time, engaging in open and vulnerable conversations, performing acts of kindness and appreciation, and building trust and reliability, you’re laying a strong foundation for a lasting bond.

In the end, being best friends with your spouse not only strengthens your long-term relationship but also enriches your life in countless ways. So, embark on this lifelong adventure with your partner, and may your friendship continue to grow stronger with each passing day.

Forge Your Path to Everlasting Love

At Strength of Seduction, we’re dedicated to helping Black couples foster deep connections, navigate challenges, and cultivate lasting love.

Our digital programs, coaching, and books are designed to provide Black couples with the tools and resources they need to build mental, physical, and spiritual health. Keep the spark alive in your relationship by visiting our online store.

And remember: love is a journey, not a destination. It requires effort, understanding, and commitment. But with the right tools and mindset, every couple can forge their path to everlasting love.

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